Sex: It’s in All of Us

When was the last time you had sex?

Go on…really think about this. Was it last night? Maybe it was last week? Was it perhaps last month? It could have been last year. I want you to stop and ask yourself, “When was the last time you had mind-blowing, bed-breaking, headboard smashing, insanely wild sex?”

It was March of 2016, but since then it has been the longest dry spell. For a brief period of time, I had broken up with my boyfriend, so he and I clearly were not getting it on. I had cut ties with the friend with benefits long ago and I really did not do the whole one-night-stand/dating thing. I find that my brain is just not programmed for it and I end up getting attached to that person’s company. It is more the comfort and attention offered by that person than anything else. I tend to have a bad taste in men so they are all really just jerks in the end.

My boyfriend and I got back together this past June and I have been giving him a chance to redeem himself and our relationship since moving back to New Haven. So far, so good…except for the fact that there is this unspoken tension between us but we are working through it – slowly. I am currently withholding sex from him because he can’t just trash our relationship and think he can get back in the sack, does he? He doesn’t even know that I am actively withholding sex from him. We just don’t have sex at this point. I actually feel like our relationship is going up in flames because lately (always) communication has been getting worse and worse between the two of us and little things he does really get on my nerves.

He tends to get into these moods and it’s really hard to get him out of them. I understand having a bad day, but I think it is something more than that and it’s no fun for me to ALWAYS have to be the happy, optimistic, positive one. Some days, I just want to be a little negative and express my upset about somethings. It’s not fair. Is it just sexual frustration? I don’t know. We used to have sex and it was fun and he was a much happier guy, before, during, and after. But now…how can I do something so intimate with someone who right now I am completely doubting his loyalty? If the trust isn’t there, how can there be intimacy?

Living with Cooper

I moved into my apartment all on my own, and I NEVER planned on having a roommate. Then, I met Cooper – the domestic, long-haired cat in my life, and within 24 hours there was a little man living here.

He is only a year old, but it is like having a young child as well as another twenty-something around. When Cooper is sick, I sit up with him and make sure that he stays hydrated and that he isn’t cold. I take him to the vet, I feed him, brush his hair, and I provide him with all of the toys he could ever need or want. Actually, this reminds me that two of his toys are busted and that I should replace them soon.

IMG_2245When I can’t sleep, he hangs out with me until I pass out. If I have home-work to finish, then he hangs out until I finish.  When I am upset about something, he is there to listen. While I know he will never be able to respond or give his opinion on anything, it’s just nice to have someone else in the room to hear my rant.

He and I fell into a nice rhythm from the first day he arrived here. I work in Manhattan so our day starts very, very early every morning. I wake up at 4am to Cooper’s very warm body snuggled next to my back, and then I fill his food and water. I’ll take a shower, but I will leave the door open because he likes to climb up and sit on the low shelf in the wall where the towels are stored. By 4:30, I am showered, dressed, and packing my bag for the train ride to the office. I make sure that all of Cooper’s toys are in the center of the living room and that the blinds are pulled up half way so that he can look out the window while he is home. Sometimes, I will actually catch him sitting on the windowsill when I walk back from the bus stop.

It can also be very stressful having a pet. When you go away, you need to make sure he has enough food and water and there is nothing laying around that he can get into. Some nights, I just want some alone time, but he just cries at my bedroom door, if it is closed, until I invite him in. Some days I just want to be by myself, which was the perk of having my own place. He is such a good boy though so having him around even when I want some privacy is okay by me.