Did you ever notice that small spark of pain that shoots through your body, when you are faced with a difficult decision? It starts in your nose, jumps down to your toes, and then slowly worms its way into your heart and shocks your core.
That has happened to me more often than not lately. I am torn between something I do not want to do, and something I should do. What DO I do?
Why would I want to make the decision that will only break two hearts in the end? I just do not have the ability to break someone’s heart. It is not in my genetic make-up to hurt someone. That’s what makes me such a special kind of girl.
I’m the girl that has the best intentions; I’m the girl who loves everyone and makes friends with everyone. I’m the girl with too much empathy. Sometimes I feel the pain of one thousand people all at once and it tries to shoot out of me all at once.
I’m not going to do it, by the way. I refuse to break my own heart, or his heart for that matter. I’m in love with him. I will always be in love with him, and nothing can stop that. He is crazy about me as well. When I imagine my life ten years from now, all I can see is him. All I want is him. I think we were made for each other, otherwise he could have dumped me the minute I left New Haven.
We are made for each other, and I intend to stick by him until he looks me in the eyes and tells me to let him go.
I do not think that day will ever come.
We have each other’s hearts gripped in the palms of our hands, and if one of lets go…I am not sure what would happen.